Random Middle of the Night Thoughts

Simone Biles is still in a class of her own, and she has earned the right to call the shots on her career and her participation, especially when people change the rules on her midway. I admire this girl so much.

Abby the Spoon Lady is rocking my night.https://youtu.be/_nLmM9kcBKs
Here she is with some other gals doing on eof my favourites- Shady Grave- https://youtu.be/2sa3Qg-l82g

I have good days and bad, sometimes good days and bad weeks. Yes still. One does not recover from 37 years of gas-lighting in 2 years of separation while the gas-lighting is still being attempted (successfully with a number of others from what I can see). It’s weird. I am not trying to think of these things but out of nowhere *still* some memory will pop up out of nowhere and I realize another instance where I was just blatantly lied to. It’s not just about the adultery and infidelity and porn. There are financial irregularities (read- theft and dishonesty), and manipulations about all kinds of stuff. I think I will start writing these down when they pop up.

A woman a lot of people admire asked me the first week the garbage started coming out why I was still searching through his phone, hadn’t I learned enough. No. No I hadn’t. That doesn’t even make sense to me. By searching the phone I found other things that had not been confessed to, which meant the apologies and requests for forgiveness were fake af (as foretold. Read AF as ‘As Foretold)- basically I was being told “I’ve done a lot of crap and I’m sorry and I wnant you to forgive me without every knowing what exactly you are forgiving.” That’s rubbish, this is. That’s further manipulative trash.

Here’s John the Revelator from Abby the Spoon Lady. Because she makes me smile. https://youtu.be/ooeRJ95cXoU

I put my old beat up couch up for free on market place. It’s been well used, it’s very, very heavy. I made this very clear in my ad, to the point of rudeness. “This couch is free. It’s extremely heavy and you will need help to pick it up. I cannot help you at all. You will need a truck.”
First lady to text me wanted to know if I would hold it for her because her kid with a truck was camping and would be back at the end of the weekend. I said no. She said well, she had no furniture in her living room. I said I was really sorry about that, but the best I coudl do is text her if someody else came and got it first. About six people asked about it. Only one was serious. But she thought she could come get it by herself. First she said she’d be right out Then I reminded her it was very, very heavy, and I would not be able to help at all (I can’t even lift it three inches off the floor to pull a kid’s toy out from underneath, because my muscles are like spaghetti noodles). She said she’d look for help and if it was still there the next day let her know. It was. I did. The couch is still here. And then… the lady who asked me hold it for her because she had no furniure in her living room and her son had the truck… she texted me at 3 in the morning to ask if by any chance I had a truck. Um, nope.

Potato salad with roasted peanuts is one of my favourite snacks at the moment. All those carbs. mmm.

Abby the Soon Lady again: https://youtu.be/sFGxoYZTLiA

One of the younger grandchildren is particularly adorable- they all are, but thing is this one is Smol bean, and she likes to cuddle, which melts grownup hearts. She is also, says her youngest uncle, a Menace to Society and she was born on the FBI watch list. She is the wee tot about whom one of her cousins told me two years ago that she was very, very cute, but it was a trap. So picture a tiny, petite, elfin Shirley Temple listening earnestly to a parental explanation of why wear gloves when handling raw meat and other things in the kitchen, and then cheerfully agreeing that yes, we wears duvs to keep da germs away and also we should wear duvs before touching dead bodies, like when peoples kill peoples. She didn’t even flinch. Possibly she was not as sound asleep as believed when a few episodes of Bones or something similar were being watched.

Speaking of airing things and viewing, I really liked the Korean drama Imitation and the spotlight on the idol industry, while managing not to be too heavy.
I binge watched a show from a couple years back called Lie after Lie, or something like that. Ordinarily not my thing unless there’s something extra about it. Very makjang, and for some reason the lead actor spoke almost all his lines in an intense whisper which was frustrating. But there were redeeming elements. For once, there is a happy adoption story- as in, all the relatives of the adopted child simply don’t even care that she’s adopted, they just adore her to bits. That seldom happens in a K-Drama.
Lots of revenge and spiteful, crazed mother-in-law action, some odd direcorial jumps, and a few incomprehensible decisions by varioius characters. But I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it for the form- makjang has its rules and traditions, and this was an interesting story within those rules and traditions. But it definitely isn’t my usual sort of thing.

I’m still very much in the who am I and what do I want and what do I really thing stage of this new life- and all the answers have to include ‘while being the single parent around teh clock five days a week and the occasional weekend with a severely handicapped adult in tow as my constant companioin. I cringe when people ask for my advice because what on earth do I even know? Everything I thought I knew was wrong. Well, not everything, but lots of it.

It’s 3 in the morning and I might be having company in 7 hours, definitely in 7-10 hours and I haven’t washed dishes in 3 days and there are bags of groceries on the floor, and a load in teh washing machine that has now been washed three times.

I have Captain Crunch cereal with peanut butter for breakfast. I have songs to sing and some stuff to write and books to read, and a new-t0-me couch in my living room that makes me happy to look at. I went back to vist it repeatedly at the local second hand store. They marked it down three times and then I bought it on a 25% for people with military ID, which I have, day. I paid a young friend to have her and her huband pick it upa nd bring it to me in their truck. That was after I found out oth the sonsinlaw I thought would be able to help out had sold their trucks- one of them the day before. So I had an anxioius day or so trying to figure out what to do. And then the path cleared and I was glad. It’s an odd couch. To me it was a bit of an Asian feelt. There’s a busy, exotic pattern and it sits about 8 inches off the ground with simple, basic retangular legs, so dust bunnies and soot sprites and versous detritus cannot wash up under there and become its own ecosystem.

I’m reading a biography of King Sejong the Great, Outlaws of the Marsh, one of the Chinese Classics, and a couple others I can’t recall right now. I am playing Wordscapes on my phone like an addict. Or as an addict. Depends who we ask.

And I really need to go grab a bit of sleep.

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  1. Cat
    Posted July 31, 2021 at 11:31 pm | Permalink

    I hope you got some sleep!

    I’ve only heard a bit about the Simone Biles thing but I agree with you. The real disgrace is that people would even ask someone to set aside her well-being for, as charitably as I can understand it, the country’s glory. Uncharitably, glory or no glory, it’s a performance and not something necessary.

    Abby the Spoon Lady is my new hero.

  2. Fatcat
    Posted August 3, 2021 at 9:52 am | Permalink

    I haven’t visited your blog for a while but it’s good to hear from you. I pray you will find what you want to do and be able to do it and have a really great time. I feel like you deserve it. Hang in there.

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