The Common-Room, a description

In order to preserve a sense of history and togetherness within our students, we live in a living history museum of our own making. Toward that end, no more than one antique toilet is necessary in our 9 person household. This promotes a sense of bonding during tooth-brushing and Standing In Line.

Guests, of course, always hold first priority. It is our practice to ask if anybody needs to use the toilet before one of us takes a shower. This is not from undue interest in the excretory systems of our guests, but rather a courtesy extended to those who would rather *not* make the one mile hike to the working outhouse up the road. (isn’t it time to get that door repaired?)

– We were fortunate in the fact that this house was already furnished with a 1963 toilet that has aged quite nicely, and one can experience a deeper sense of antiquity when forcing the handle down and then forcing it right back up.

– The bathtub is also one of our prized Historical Artifacts. Steel-bottomed, the only signs of decay are the orange iron stains, the worn away paint, the scratches porcelain, the rusted faucet, and the apparant rotten spots directly under the surface. These are scattered randomly throughout the tub, providing a pleasing sense of random chaos and impending doom.

One only becomes aware of the rotten spots lurking beneath the tub when standing directly on top of one of them. Ssuddenly feels the sensation that one is on a trampoline. Caution is advisable but we do hope visitors do not allow this to distract them from the proper admiration of the Stone Age plumbing system.- The prize of our collection is, without a doubt, the water heater. It is so old, in fact, that we have no idea what epoch of time it belongs to. We only know that what-ever rumbling and banging noises it makes during one’s shower is not, as we first believed, someone knocking on the door. Keeping this in mind during a shower improves one’s peace of mind.

– The water here is specifically designed to give one a Sense of the Rustic, when pioneers drank water from the sulphurous streams of Yellowstone. We do provide distilled water for the squeamish (squeamish being a category we also fall into in this case).

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The Firstyears

Our First Years are two sprites known sometimes as Whose-its and Whats-its, and other times as the First Year Boy and First Year Girl (FYB and FYG). They shall not be posting if we can keep them from the computer, and we do intend to do that a few years longer.
A blog is a somewhat public activity, but there are Limits, and were we to permit these two to post, there is no telling what family secrets would be revealed. Visitors to the household are regularly regaled with all the news that has ever occurred within the family in their entire combined life-times. This includes such head-lines as the Lost Tooth, My Friend Abigail, My Tinker-Toys, My Poor Foot, That Boy Who Came to Our House, What Mom Said When the Toilet Wouldn’t Flush, What the Head Girl Did When We Hid Her Math Book and What EquusChick’s Room Looks Like and other such unedifying topics. We are doing our best to be Censors and Squelchers of the Running Historical Commentary.

This won’t stop us from sharing Running Historical Commentary of all their doings, calculated to be of such a nature as to embarrass them for the rest of their natural lives. We see it as our duty, and we are slaves to duty.

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The Head Girl

The Head Girl is a college student who claims to be Practically Perfect in Every Way and miles behind in her homework. We don’t understand how she can be both perfect and keep her homework miles away. Now that we think of it, we don’t understand why she makes her homework remain at a distance of miles behind her. She should allow it to walk beside her and be her friend.
Furthermore, it is our understanding that propinquity of student and homework is necessary if student expects to complete said homework. But who are we to question the Head Girl?

The Head Girl also likes to be known as She Who Must Be Obeyed, which causes the EquusChick to snort in a distinctly horselike fashion.

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The next common-room member is our dear Jennyanydots. She keeps us all in order, finds things lost, comforts those who need comforting, and handles all the artsy-craftsy departments.

We tear things. She sews them. We lose things. She finds them. We break things. She fixes them. We buy things that need to be put together and she puts them together. For Jennyanydots we “now give three cheers- On whom well-ordered households depend, it appears.”

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Further Introductions to the members of The Common Room

Two of our denizens are scientists of high standing in the scientific world (their own private scientific world, you understand), with a peculiar specialization towards the Problem of Pain, as approached by Count Rugen vs. C.S Lewis.

They are always eager to impart their rather macabre (they view it is as informative) theories and facts on various torture procedures to the unsuspect…I mean, the eager student. (Do not be unduly alarmed, however, they never practice on said students.)*

These two Common Room members are EquusChick and Pipsqueak (a youngish teen). EquusChick dispenses horsesense and nonsense. Your job will be to discern betwixt the two. Pipsqueak shall be dispensing something, but she’s not telling what just yet. We do know it won’t be Spelling.

There are many misconceptions about EquusChick (a youngish 20 something), one of them being that she is always in another world. On the contrary, she has been known to have as many as three Sentient Moments per week. During these moments, she has been known to display something that looks surprisingly like Cognitive Intelligence. When she is another world, however, we feel compelled to tell you, for your own safety, that is sometimes Best to Leave Her There.

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