In order to preserve a sense of history and togetherness within our students, we live in a living history museum of our own making. Toward that end, no more than one antique toilet is necessary in our 9 person household. This promotes a sense of bonding during tooth-brushing and Standing In Line.
Guests, of course, always hold first priority. It is our practice to ask if anybody needs to use the toilet before one of us takes a shower. This is not from undue interest in the excretory systems of our guests, but rather a courtesy extended to those who would rather *not* make the one mile hike to the working outhouse up the road. (isn’t it time to get that door repaired?)
– We were fortunate in the fact that this house was already furnished with a 1963 toilet that has aged quite nicely, and one can experience a deeper sense of antiquity when forcing the handle down and then forcing it right back up.
– The bathtub is also one of our prized Historical Artifacts. Steel-bottomed, the only signs of decay are the orange iron stains, the worn away paint, the scratches porcelain, the rusted faucet, and the apparant rotten spots directly under the surface. These are scattered randomly throughout the tub, providing a pleasing sense of random chaos and impending doom.
One only becomes aware of the rotten spots lurking beneath the tub when standing directly on top of one of them. Ssuddenly feels the sensation that one is on a trampoline. Caution is advisable but we do hope visitors do not allow this to distract them from the proper admiration of the Stone Age plumbing system.- The prize of our collection is, without a doubt, the water heater. It is so old, in fact, that we have no idea what epoch of time it belongs to. We only know that what-ever rumbling and banging noises it makes during one’s shower is not, as we first believed, someone knocking on the door. Keeping this in mind during a shower improves one’s peace of mind.
– The water here is specifically designed to give one a Sense of the Rustic, when pioneers drank water from the sulphurous streams of Yellowstone. We do provide distilled water for the squeamish (squeamish being a category we also fall into in this case).