So. How shall I explain that after my posts about why it’s not really necessary to go out on a date with your spouse when you can spend the same one on one time in other, more frugal ways, the HM and I went on the most expensive date of our lives?
I don’t even know how much we spent because I preferred to walk out to the car before the register rang up the total. Whatever did we do?
We went out to a home improvement store to buy new items for our new home- things like showers, bathtubs, ceiling lights, faucets, towel racks, and wood stain. I loathe home improvement stores, this one above all others. I really hate it. I can’t ever find what I want. The concrete floors are crippling to my knees and back. The help has been mostly incompetent (last time they assured us that the bathtub/whirlpool/shower combo we were looking at would fit in the space we have. Tonight they told us it is 12 inches larger).
I don’t think I’m a very fun date at this place. I causually mentioned to my husband some three hundred and 29 times that I hated this place. While we were picking out lamps we kept running into problems. The first problem was he sent me off to look for lamps by myself, telling me (I am sure) that I needed a flush wall mount lamp, when in truth I needed it to be a ceiling lamp. So I spent 45 minutes finding a flush wall mount, and then he showed up and said, well, I guess we can use that in one place, but you’re supposed to be getting a ceiling mount. I told him how much I hated that place.
The next lamp I liked had the wrong size bulbs (I hate this place), or the wrong mounting (I hate this place), , and the dh would recommend one that had all those things, but it was in neon blue with tints of violet (have I mentioned that I hate this place?), but after another 45 minutes of agony I found a lamp that would do (we needed five of them) and five of them were in stock- and then the HM said, and I quote, “Well, but are you sure you want these? We don’t have to make a quick decision. We can always come back another time.”
I gritted my teeth and said lovingly (what are you laughing for? Of course it was lovingly!), “I do not think I have managed to convey accurately to you the depth of my loathing for this dreadful anteroom to Hades or my resolute determination to never darken its portals again, and I will live in darkness in the new house forever if the only way we may have light is for me to return to this realm of Pluto. I want these lamps and they are beautiful to me if for no other reason than that if we own them and take them home today you cannot make me come back here again.”
And he said, “Huh? Did you say something?”
Next we went to the appliance store, which at first seemed to be a Twilight Zone episode where the hapless victim repeats a variation on the same horrible theme and relives it over and over. But after a few minutes the chaos resolved itself and we found a knowledgeable salesperson who took me seriously when I said, “This is what I want and I do not want anything else- it must be 25 cubic feet, in bisque or biscuit or almond but never titanium or black or white, and it must have a freezer on the bottom with an ice maker and it must have either a drink dispenser outside the door or it will not have one at all because a drink dispenser inside the door drips all over everything in the fridge and makes a mess and the kids have to use both hands to get a drink and then they never set down what they already had in their hands so in addition to spilling water everywhere they dump their bar-b-Que chicken all down the front of the fridge and get it on their best dresses so you see an inside deal drink dispenser is a total deal breaker”
And he never blinked, but went to his computer and his catalog and came back and showed me what I wanted (it is an Amana). And then we spent ten minutes on stoves and I have to wait to purchase it because I need to think about whether I want convection or conventional. I do not know, and I can’t have the 1500 dollar combination that first took my fancy, nor can I have the 4,000 dollar beauty that next took my fancy, which is really fine.
So that was pleasant.
And then it was late (after 9 p.m.) and neither of us had dinner and we were tired and not very much less cranky than we had been in the first store (the one I hate- have I mentioned that?). The HM asked if we wanted to go out to eat, and if so, where. I said I did not care so long as it wasn’t a buffet because my feet hurt too much to get up and walk around to collect my food. So we went through a fast food drive-through window. And then the HM realized that we were in his work car where his window never rolls down.
So he turned the car around and drove through the drive-through backward. We ordered exactly the same thing, and it took a little while because the sweet young things working there kept coming to the window to laugh. When the sweet young thing handed out our two Dr. Peppers I help up one of them and asked her (in serious tones), So, is this the Dr. Pepper or the Dr. Pepper?”
And having had as much fun as two middle aged parents of adult, teen, and gradeschooled children should be allowed to have, we came home.