Trauma Triggers Galore

child abuse casts a shadowI’m not trying to be flippant. I come by it naturally so I don’t have to try.  I have plenty of triggers of my own and while I joke about them here in a macabre and black humour way, you don’t know that I am often posting that stuff while trying to stop hyperventilating and crying.  Well, now you know.  Anyway. That very flippancy is how I deal. It actually helps me.

Others handle it differently.  And the main purpose of the above paragraph is to give those who are triggered by this topic plenty of time to click away.

There’s some ugly stuff below and there are some really incredibly helpful resources for identifying and dealing, for understanding and healing.

Jen reposts about the sex abuse cover-up by well-known homeschooling magazine publishers. http://bit.ly/1jnZXWb 

A useful guide to the faux Churchy language of sexual abuse & violence cover-ups: ‘we’re all sinners, he’s still your dad/husband/brother/pastor/youth minister/preacher/friend’s dad, forgive, and absolutely no gossip!’  One very useful function of this list is learning to know what not to say.  http://bit.ly/1mii5kb

10 sexual abuser traits:

I would also say that the above list is not just true of sexual abusers, but almost all narcissistic abusive types.  Unless you’ve been there, it’s hard to understand.  I think LSD is less harmful to kids’ brains, I really do. And reading this was not easy.  In fact, it was a lot like reading a sort of play by play of my childhood in many ways.  Reading that list may help you understand why sometimes the abused do not make sense, seem to be irrational, and why so many people are so deceived by these abusive types.  Imagine a child brought up by the Green Witch in The Silver Chair- remember that the knight in bondage to her hadn’t become her captive until he was an adult. What if she was all he ever knew?  It really messes with your head.

Trauma bonding: damage, danger don’t end w/abuser absence.Victims often carry emotional bondage into the future…. http://fb.me/6VLPLwIBg 

Pyschological socialism: this is a great term for an ugly thing. No, two parties are *NOT* always at fault in a broken relationship.  This applies to marriage, but also to any abuse situation. I can’t even believe it needs to be said, but it does… http://fb.me/1tN8kQySc 

Biblical forgiveness is more than merely a feeling, …happens between two parties, and takes place only when offender truly repents… http://fb.me/6AelLWpW4 

Unpacking Forgiveness: Biblical Answers for Complex Questions and Deep Wounds, Kindle, 9.39 http://amzn.to/1nIAF7I 

Updated to add this, because music often helps.  I know the lyrics are a bitter, resentful lashing out in the wake of a failed love, but looked at from a slightly different angle, these same lyrics could be the anguished cry of a victim trying to escape the remnants and memories of an abusive relationship.  Plus, it’s Tablo!

Lyrics

(The song is originally by Taeyang of Big Bang.  Tablo did a cover of it with some of his own lyrics.  The video cuts and blends the two of them together in the chorus toward the end.  The lyrics below designate which of them is singing- TY for Taeyang and TB for Tablo)

you left me paralyzed, no cure, no rehab for me
funny that you got the nerve to keep asking me
how i’ve been
you’re the victor in this pageantry
but the only trophy you deserve, catastrophe
i’d rather we be dead to each other
no eulogies said for each other
no “rest in peace”s
the memories got my chest in pieces

i’m praying that your eyes are the first to go
the way they looked when you smiled
the way they opened and closed
and your nose, every single breath against my neck
and then your lips, every empty promise made and said
please fade, fade to black
please fade, fade to black
but the nightmares come back

because your eyes, nose, lips
every look and every breath
every kiss still got me dying
uh, still got me crying

because your eyes, nose, lips
every look and every breath
every kiss still got me dying
uh, still got me crying

forget a promenade, let’s juggernaut,
down memory lane, leave no thought alive
to the slaughter house, i’m taking my pain
time to sever my brain from my heart and soul
my knees are burning hot, but God is cold

I’ve been told, one day you’ll know
too much of heaven’s a sin
after the show, it’s only hell that it brings
so take it slow and let time heal everything
they say that time flies, but you keep breaking its wings
you’ll never fade, fade to black
please fade, fade to black
but the nightmares come back

because your eyes, nose, lips
every look and every breath
every kiss still got me dying
uh, still got me crying

because your eyes, nose, lips
every look and every breath
every kiss still got me dying
uh, still got me crying
you wish me well
you wish me well
i wish you hell

i never want to look into your eyes again
no, i never want to hear you breathe again
let me go, let me go
baby, tell me that it’s the end

[TB/TY] because your eyes, nose, lips
[TB/TY] every look and every breath
every kiss [TB/TY] still got me dying
uh, still got me crying
the tears drive me out of my mind

[TB/TY] because your eyes, nose, lips
[TB/TY] every look and every breath
your [TB/TY] kiss still got me dying
uh, still got me crying
crying, crying
fade out

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