Crunchy Mom and The Boy

I was in the cereal aisle with my son (who is FIFTEEN) to get cereal to make Chex Mix. He keeps pointing out those strange concoctions loaded with sugars and dyed with psychedelic colors that no self respecting food would ever wear in public-
Me: No. No. No. No. No. No. Look, I don’t buy breakfast products that turn your poop lime green. You-
He starts naming all the others, still sugar laden, frosted, extruded grain paste, but not so weirdly dyed concoctions instead.
Me: No. No. No. No. No.
The Boy: See, Mom? Face it. You just don’t buy us cereal, period.
Me: Good point. You’re right. Your mother does not feed kids cereal for breakfast. You’re how old, and you still don’t know that?
The Boy: It’s not that I don’t know that, Mom. It’s that after all these years I haven’t given up hope yet.

In the car on the way home from the grocery store my 15 year old carried on his rant about all the weird foods none of his friends had ever heard of that he had to eat all the time, and all the normal foods all of his friends always got to eat which he never got to have.

I told him that considering his mother thought of herself as crunchy, he got to eat a shocking amount of junk food (he was eating General Tso’s Chicken from the Walmart chicken bucket special as he ranted). He asked what crunchy meant (‘that doesn’t even make sense, Mom, you’re squishy, not crunchy’). I tried explaining it different ways. We’ve been making our own granola all of his life, so that does not convey ‘crunchy hippy’ to him. He didn’t get the California land of fruits and nuts references. I finally settled on a long list “You know, home birth, cloth diapers, making our own ointments and teas, grassfed meat, home-made deodorant, using baking soda for shampoo, all the reasons why your mother does not buy you those strangely colored cereals, etc, etc.”

The Boy: “Ah. So crunchy means nuts. Another name for that is witchcraft.”

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7 Comments

  1. Posted December 8, 2013 at 3:54 pm | Permalink

    HA! ‘crunchy’ always meant ‘hippy, tree hugger, back to earth’ to me. We are the kind of folks who like to bake ‘from scratch’, we eat very little out of a box without needing to mix it into something else, or else most of our food stuff comes in bags (flour, sugar, beans, etc) or in such a state that mixing and cooking is required (meat from the freezer…) Maybe ‘crunchy’ refers to the state of laundry off the line? When its 105′ outside, fabric dries fast and ends up stiff as a board. In fact, my in-laws asked if I’d starched the diapers after one of those days… :P

  2. Amy
    Posted December 8, 2013 at 3:55 pm | Permalink

    LOL, my husband calls me a witch doctor.

  3. Posted December 8, 2013 at 5:20 pm | Permalink

    One day a friend who was visiting was complaining about her elbows, how dry and itchy the skin was and how nothing would help, even the prescriptions her doctor had given her. One of my daughters brought out a lotion bar we’d made (mostly beeswax and coconut oil plus a little lavender and rosemary essential oils — as a matter of fact I think I originally got the link to the recipe from this blog) and told her to keep it and use it. She was totally skeptical but agreed to anyway because it smelled nice and felt good. A few days later she emailed and said that she was reporting me to my elders on charges of witchcraft — the thing had actually healed her! :-D

  4. Posted December 8, 2013 at 5:27 pm | Permalink

    The boy sounds so much like my younger brother from the “I love you too stranger” post to the cereal rants. My mom used to by one box of any sort of “chocolate frosted sugar bombs” to wrap up as a christmas present for him in his younger teen years. It was always a hit.

    • Headmistress, zookeeper
      Posted December 8, 2013 at 6:44 pm | Permalink

      We have done that.

    • Elizabeth
      Posted December 9, 2013 at 7:47 am | Permalink

      Last year I wrapped up a box of pop tarts for my daughter. As far as I’m concerned they’re not food-more cardboard and chemicals than anything. She thought it was great, something she’s only had at a friends house.

      • Headmistress, zookeeper
        Posted December 9, 2013 at 12:35 pm | Permalink

        We have given boxes of cereal for birthday or Christmas gifts.

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