Mostly, prayer and fasting. When that doesn’t work, switch it around to fasting and prayer.
(added for clarity: My husband and I have been on the same page here for many years now. But after the birth of our second child, for about three years, we weren’t. This post is about those years).
This is very hard for a man as the provider. I know that is hard for many women, too, but I don’t really struggle in this area. I’m far from perfect, but this just happens to be an area that isn’t my battleground. I generally find it easy enough to trust God to provide financially. However, I need to remember that while it’s very easy for me to say that I trust God to provide, my husband’s thinking, “Yes, but through me, and God tells me I’m worse than an infidel if I don’t provide for my own.” So I think it’s important not to pressure them too much on this point. As somebody once said, “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”
I think we need to guard ourselves against convincing our men intellectually before their hearts have caught up with them, if that makes sense.
For myself, the one form of birth control I can accept without seriously violating my conscience is that form which is the man’s sole responsibility , and so I was able to say to my husband, years ago when we were in the same place, “I’m the one who feels uncomfortable about birth control, you’re the one who wants it, so wouldn’t it be fair for you to take responsibility for preventing the pregnancy that I want and you do not?” It was a gentle discussion, and he agreed. I do not know what I would have done if he’d have refused.
This issue is slightly more complicated in that in order to, as I *think*, choose God’s best here, two people have to agree that this is God’s best, you know? You can obey your conscience about what is God’s best in other areas all by yourself, whether your husband agrees or not. New meaning to the two become one, yes?
Although, thinking about it, further, this is just the most intimate example. I can think of other areas after all where both parties in a marriage must agree with one another-
I know it’s so hard, especially on this issue, but I really do think this has to be a decision that the husband completely owns himself and is fully invested in, more so than perhaps any other issue, because if he’s not it will niggle away at him every time there are financial difficulties however slight, and can become an unseen parasite, depleting the health of the marriage from deep within and damaging relationships between husband and wife and father and children.
For me, a request that he make himself responsible for the birth control he desired instead of relying on me for any other form of birth control, many quiet prayers and much fasting while reconciling myself to quiet, willing submission were the best approaches. I don’t say it was easy, and I don’t know how long I could have continued this had my husband not eventually changed his mind.
It’s important, too, to be sure you are not just praying for your husband to see the light, you are praying for the health of your marriage, your family. Spend at least as much time praying over your own attitude as you do asking God to change your husband’s mind.
Visit the other Four Moms and see what they have to say!
Raising Olives, married 15 years, mama to 11, homeschooling graduate herself-
Connie at Smockity Frocks, married 25 years, mom to 8. We were blog buddies for a year or two before we realized that we had very dear mutual friends in real life. How cool is that?!
Kim at Life in a Shoe, homeschool grad, mama to a family of 13
Me, DeputyHeadmistress and former Zookeeper (I gave up keeping a zoo when coyotes and coons killed our chickens) of this blog, The Common Room and our cooking blog, The Common Kitchen; married 30 years, mom to seven plus unofficial foster mom to two little boys, Mama-in-Law to two, and Grandmama to four blessings under 3, with number 5 on the way, and yes we are very proud.=)
We four moms also wrote a book together, and you can buy the Four Moms parenting book, which you can get as a Kindle or as an e-book document:
See my other Kindle books, too:
101 Answers to the Summertime, “Mom, I’m Bored” Blues; help your kids use their free time creatively and productively. Give them ideas that will help them use their time and energy to create, to learn, to grow- to contribute. This is not your average ‘keep the kids out of your hair’ book.
Required Poems for Reading and Memorizing (annotated); Charming collection of older poems that you and the kids just might love.
Ten Low-Carb Snacks and Quick Meals Okay, actually, there’s a little more than ten, and they aren’t merely low-carb, they are also sugar-free, grain-free, gluten free. NOT dairy-free.