What do you do when you’ve wedded a girl all legal and lawful,
And she goes around saying she looks awful?
When she makes deprecatory remarks about her format,
And claims that her hair looks like a doormat?
When she swears that the complexion of which you are so fond
Looks like the bottom of a dried-up pond?
When she for whom your affection is not the least like Plato’s
Compares her waist to a badly tied sack of potatoes?
Oh, who wouldn’t rather be on flimsy bridge with a hungry lion and one end and a hungry tiger at the other end and hungry crocodiles underneath
Than confronted by their dearest making remarks about her own appearance through clenched teeth?
Why won’t they believe that the reason they find themselves the mother of your children is because you think of all the looks in the world, their looksa re the nicest?
Why must we continue to be thus constantly ordealed and crisised>
I think it high tiime these hoity-toity ladies were made to realize that when they impugn their face and their ankles and their waist
They are therebye insultingly impugning their tasteful husbands’ impeccable taste.