Adoption Can Be a Beautiful Thing- But It Starts With a Trauma

Wise words from Home Bound Missions:

People become frustrated when they hear that there are going to be hundreds of thousands of orphans and then they hear that the Haitian government is putting the brakes on all adoptions.  There is a reason they are doing this.  They do not want to make orphans of children who are not orphans.  Would you want your child sent to another country and adopted because you were injured and nobody knew where you were?  I think it is fair to slow things down a little and be sure.

     There is also the child trafficing issue.  We want to make sure these children are safe and go to loving homes.  This is a big process. 
     But there is one more thing to consider.  I agree that adoption can be a beautiful, wonderful, loving, fulfilling event, but I also know the reality, and that is, some adoption fail; a lot of adoptions fail.  Adoption requires a child to be abandoned.  For some this is a little bump in the road that makes them embrace their new family with open arms; for others it causes brokeness that cannot be repaired without the birth parents un abandoning them or a total Jesus intervention.  You see adoption is kind of a sad/happy thing.  There are lots of issues at stake: abandonment, personality styles, cultural differences, and many more.

 Adoption is a complicated issue, and it becomes even more complex because of the emotions involved.  In a perfect world it would never happen – nobody would have a child who could not care for that child, nobody would want a child who could not have a child, and nobody would ever die, leaving children without parents. 

It’s not a perfect world. 

Children are born knowing the voice of their birth mother, and usually the voices of other people in their households.  They are born already familiar with certain sounds and even tastes (they taste in the womb).  They are born with a genetic code created from their two biological parents and their ancestors, and I do believe that sometimes part of that genetic code accounts for more than just physical traits- it can also affect personality, likes, dislikes, talents, skills, and weaknesses as well. 

This means that even as newborns, when placed into a family full of voices, sounds, tastes, and smells which were not part of their lives in the womb, newborns suffer a trauma of sorts.  YES, they can and mostly do overcome it.  YES, in many cases that unfortunate trauma had to happen and this is the best thing for them under the circumstances. 

Think of it as something like major surgery- it may be life-saving, it may enhance the quality of life for that child for years, but that doesn’t alter the reality that a child who spends her first month or two in the hospital having major surgery starts life with a different set of circumstances than a child who doesn’t, and there may be ways that rocky start influences who she is in some ways.  Likewise, a child who is placed for adotpion- that adoption may well be life saving, it may be entirely for the best in every way, but wise parents recognize that the initial breach with the biological family is still a trauma and it may influence who your child is in some ways.  That doesn’t mean the adoption should not have happened.

It does mean we should not jump to the conclusion that adoption is always an easy thing or the best thing.

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