I was reminded of this story when a friend of mine told about having to kill a large, ugly spider on the inside of her shower curtain. She spotted it while she was INSIDE the shower- and she can’t see the Big E on the chart without her glasses, yet this spider was large enough she could see it. Shudder.

Well, I told her, we had a major wolf spider problem when we lived in Washington. Wolf spiders are large, ugly, hairy, and do not build webs because they actively hunt their prey. This means they are prone to hiding in corners and under things watching for things to eat, and then leaping out and dashing along the floor or wall with the velocity of a cheetah. They actually grow in size as they speed towards humans, at times reaching six feet in height. They have huge, nasty looking, jagged fangs visible to the naked eye from six yards away even if you cannot see the E on the chart, the fangs are dripping with venom. I am pretty sure that household wolf spiders have meth labs in the walls and are hopped up users themselves, in addition to sporting very rude tattoos. Some of this may be slightly exaggerated for effect.

A certain member of my family was rather dismayed while drying off after a shower when said member of my family spotted a LARGE, HAIRY wolf spider which dropped out of the towel just as the person was using it for the drying off of a rather, ehrm, sensitive area. The person was still twitching half an hour later when I heard about it.

“Wow! I am really impressed that I didn’t hear you scream,” I said when told of the incident.

“I gave a small but manly yelp,” my husband admitted with dignity.

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